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Health & Fitness

Non-Addicts Need Meetings Too

It's easy to assume the addict, being the one with the problem, is the only one who needs to seek support - but non-addicts need meetings too.

Something I had struggled with for a long time was advice from others to ‘go to meetings’.

Support groups, 12-step programs, counseling and even online message boards are some of the different ways the loved one of an addict or alcoholic may get guidance for what they are experiencing. Whenever the suggestion came up, my immediate thought process was always the same: “[the addict] is the one with problem, why should I go to a meeting?”

According to my ingenious logic, I didn’t have these problems before drug addiction entered my life - you are the one who is the addict, so you need to figure out how to get clean; then, everything will be back to normal.

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I quickly learned it doesn’t work that way. In time, as my walls began to come down, I learned there are beneficial reasons for the non-addict to seek support.

We need to learn how to stay sane, no matter how crazy the world around us gets. I cannot stress this enough: We are no good to ourselves or others if we are obsessing about what our addict or alcoholic may be doing, not doing, who they are with, where they are going. This is what the groups are talking about when they say we must admit to having a problem that needs attention and support. In this scenario it is our behavior, not the addict’s, which is causing the insanity.

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One may argue it is the addict’s fault we act this way. No it is not- we must be responsible for our own actions, choices and boundaries.

If your addict or alcoholic is currently working on sobriety and doing what they need to do to stay clean, that still doesn’t give you a free pass to skip your own program. On their journey through the recovery process, the addict or alcoholic learns much about themselves, gets in touch with emotions they haven’t felt in years, grow, and try to move on to a new chapter of their lives. If we don’t also develop a healthy program, we run the risk of being left behind in this relationship, having only anger and resentment left to hold on to instead of serenity and love.

Addiction causes destruction to everything it touches, but recovery for the non-addict is possible if we are willing to put in the work it takes to get there.

The path may be long - but the journey is beautiful.

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